Idiomitis
by Aastha Panit
Summary: Draco likens himself to be insane, and he is certain that Hermione and idioms are to blame. A simple one-shot should suffice to explain why! DMHG


**Summary: **Draco likens himself to be insane. A simple one-shot should suffice to explain why! :J

Idiomitis

Draco Malfoy was ill. Undeniably, irrefutably, most definitely ill. He was sure of it.

Well, actually, Draco Malfoy wasn't ill. "Ill" just sounded a lot nicer than the words that would more accurately describe his condition—going insane.

What was worse—he was going in…, in…, in…, "ill" thanks to Hermione Granger. Oh, who was he kidding? _No one _said "going ill." Draco Malfoy was going insane. There! Happy? He admitted it.

And it was all thanks to that horribly wonderful, wonderfully horrible, rudely generous, and generously rude Hermione Grange.

Do not even _dare_ to question the logicity of that last sentence, or the lack thereof. And don't even _think _about getting started on the fact that "logicity" isn't a word. Draco Malfoy is just _not_ in the mood to put up with it right now.

To be fair, though, it's not just Hermione who should be held accountable for his illness, insanity, or whatever it was. Ultimately, it came down to the fault of that book, that cursed, horrendous book that started all this chaos in what used to be his perfectly functioning life.

It was just so much easier to blame Hermione Granger, because really, if it weren't for her and her Muggle-ness, Draco's curiosity wouldn't have been peaked and he needn't feel obligated to satisfy his curiosity. After all, curiosity killed the cat.

Draco smacked himself on his forehead hard, gritting his teeth in frustration. Damn it all, that stupid book was controlling him and his thoughts again!

Gulping down the remainder of the contents in his glass, Draco took a deep breath and sighed, leaning back into the armchair he was sitting in and trying to calm himself down.

All this chaos had started in America six months ago. New York, to be exact. If we want to keep consistent with the theme, the Big Apple. Draco grimaced at the words.

The heads and top workers of each department at the Ministry were required to meet up with the heads of the Wizarding Ministry there in order to promote "unity of the Wizarding Community."

It was a big joke in terms of comparing wizarding policies and trying to develop and improve them. After all, how did they plan to make any kind of progress when nearly every day and night was filled with either picnics or galas.

However, Draco wasn't one to complain. It was just like a week of vacation from work and the company was quite decent as well. Hermione Granger and Blaise Zabini end up being the people he stuck by for the duration of the trip.

Although he still had quite a strong dislike for Potter and Weasley, Hermione ended up being not bad when taken away from the two that she liked to call friends.

His initial dislike for her when he started working at the Ministry two years ago quickly dissipated and slowly moved from respect to a tentative friendship, although there seemed to be a silent, mutual agreement to try and not label whatever it was that was between them.

Hermione likened herself to thinking they were good friends. Obviously, they still had the tendency to get quite nasty with each other when arguing or making fun of each other, but they knew that the comments weren't meant to offend in the same way that they were used to. Old habits die hard, though, let's not forget.

One night, the three of them had decided to ditch the gala early, as it was getting very stuffy and rather boring, instead opting to go hang out at the club in the nearby hotel. On their way in, someone Hermione had met early in the week recognized her and she ended up getting separated from the crowd as the two men went on into the club without her.

While Blaise wasted no time and headed straight towards the dance floor, Draco made his way to the bar to order himself some brandy. For some reason, he wasn't really in the mood to be mingling or socializing in the manner that he normally did. It was kind of nice to just be in an environment where no one knew him so he could relax and loosen up.

He became so absorbed in observing the scene around him, absent-mindedly taking sips from his drinks from time to time, that he didn't even realize Hermione's reappearance until she sat on the chair next to him and spoke not too quietly in his ear, "Penny for your thoughts?"

Draco slightly jumped out of his seat, and Hermione, who had moved away from him slightly in response, looked at him with pure amusement on her face, no matter how much she tried to hide it.

Draco scowled. Pretending like he wasn't in the least bit surprised about her presence, he stared at her strangely, "I beg your pardon? A penny for your thoughts? What in the world does that mean? To begin with, what is a penny?"

Hermione muttered something that sounded quite a bit like "rich boy" before replying. "A penny is the lowest valued coin in the United States. You know, the small copper coin that you called a cent the other day?"

Draco looked at her disapprovingly. "Let's make something clear, shall we? My thoughts are worth far more than a mere cent. They're worth galleons at least." He ended, looking quite smug with himself.

Hermione rolled her eyes at this and slapped him lightly on his arm. Draco immediately grabbed his arm protectively and looked at her appallingly.

Hermione just smiled and gave a small shrug with her shoulders. "That's what you get when you talk rubbish. I wasn't offering to pay for your thoughts. I think I'd rather not know what you were thinking about anyways. 'A penny for your thoughts' is just the American saying for asking someone to share what's on their mind."

Blaise, who had come over by this time, was listening in. "Following the saying, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do,' eh, Granger? I didn't know you'd be versed in American idioms too, but then again, I often foolishly forget that I'm talking to the girl who probably never goes anywhere without researching the place in its entirety."

Hermione looked baffled by his knowledge. Before she could ask any questions, Blaise cut her off.

"Yes, I know. You're surprised that I know some common Muggle idioms. What can I say? My mother's third, or maybe it was the fourth? I think it was her third husband that was a Muggle and he taught English and Literature. He was a big fan of idioms and I must admit that they were quite fun to use if you found someone who shared the knowledge."

"Romans? Pennies? What is wrong with the two of you?" Draco asked incredulously, unable to believe all the nonsense that he was hearing.

"Just because you don't understand the usage of idioms does not give you the right to sound so frustrated and angry at us," Blaise said, waving off Draco's protests.

Hermione watched Draco interestedly. "Some clearly got out on the wrong side of the bed today," she said with a smile.

Draco hadn't a clue in terms of deciphering this bizarre language the two were communicating in, so he settled for glaring at Hermione and looking extremely put-out, and Blaise's chuckle at her comment only further added to the look of discontentment on his face.

"Well, since Draco is clearly not in any sort of an accommodating mood, may I have the exclusive honor of dancing with you, my dear Hermione?" Blaise asked suavely, taking her hand in his and bowing before her.

Blaise watched discreetly from the corner of his eye at Draco's reaction. Sure enough, although the man was well-known to hide his emotions from presenting themselves with his whole face, Draco's eyes were a dead giveaway of his response to the comment. His already-glaring eyes seemed to narrow further and a slight trace of a sneer appeared to be forming from his lips.

Hermione, who was definitely in a much happier mood than normal, probably due to the two glasses of wine she had had earlier in the night, was more than happy to accept Blaise's request. She was rather oblivious of the further darkening of Draco's demeanor, but with Blaise's knowledge of idioms annoying Draco to no end, she was more than willing to follow his lead for whatever he may have up his sleeve.

As they danced to a slow song on the dance floor, just far enough from Draco so that he wouldn't be able to hear them, she asked Blaise,

"You wouldn't have just randomly asked to dance. What's the plan, Zabini?" They still called each other by their surnames, as they ended up becoming nicknames of sorts for each other and they all felt more comfortable doing so.

Blaise smirked and bent his head down slightly in order to make eye contact with her. "Well, to be honest, I'm just making up the plan as I go along. I asked you to dance so we didn't have to deal with Mr. Grumpy over there for much longer. Plus, it's clear that the intensity with which we are talking is irking him to no end."

Hermione glanced over and couldn't help but laugh slightly at the anger emanating from his whole person. One hand was holding his empty glass while the other was angrily clenching and unclenching air. The glare and sneer that had previously been set on his face had yet to disappear, but rather were deepening themselves in his facial features. Oh yes, there was no denying it. Draco Malfoy was very, very peeved at them.

Hermione looked back at Blaise, slightly exasperated. "What is Malfoy's problem today? So what if he doesn't get idioms? It's not a big deal."

Blaise shook his head at her. "Of course it's a big deal, considering both of us are familiar with them and he isn't. You know Draco always hates being 'out of the loop,'" Blaise paused, slightly proud at his clever addition of the phrase. "And he especially hates not knowing things and being able to follow a conversation. Idioms are like a different language in a sense, but since they're still essentially English, so it's driving him even madder that he can't really understand a word of what we're saying. He's forced to guess, and you of all people know Draco _hates_ uncertainty."

Oh yes, Hermione knew only too well. In that sense, Draco was very much like her. He needed control of a situation and he needed to understand everything about that situation in order for him to feel uncomfortable. Uncertainty was unacceptable to either of them.

Hermione nodded. "I understand that, Zabini. But why's he so bloody angry now? We're not annoying him anymore."

"Oh yes we are, Granger. This is the perfect way to keep annoying him. Playing on his uncertainties. We could be making fun of him for his lack of knowledge of idioms right now and he wouldn't know better. No better way to royally annoy him than to keep sending glances in his direction with a few smiles or chuckles and keep our mouths working so that he feels like we're talking about him. Works all the time," Blaise said with a strong confidence, bordering slightly on cockiness.

Hermione, all too familiar with the tone, just rolled her eyes in exasperation. One thing that a person could never really get used to, regardless of how much time they spent with Draco and Blaise, was their overconfidence in themselves and everything they do.

Figuring it better and definitely more fun to play along with Blaise's plan, which she knew would probably work, Hermione ended up sending smiles and chuckles in Draco's direction every once in a while, as Blaise continually talked about the different body signs that indicated Draco Malfoy was getting more and more agitated.

It didn't take long for Draco to break. His resolve had actually been slightly weaker than Blaise had anticipated, and it was only mere minutes after Blaise and Hermione went on the dance floor that Draco Malfoy swept out of the club, leaving the other two alone.

Hermione watched Draco leaving, and upon his exit, turned back to find herself looking at a very smug Blaise Zabini.

Hermione couldn't help it. She smirked slightly. "I bet you 10 galleons that he went to go buy a book on idioms?"

Blaise looked at her incredulously. "Do you think I'm an idiot?" He grimaced slightly when her smirk only grew wider. "To bet on something like that would be digging my own grave. Of course he did."

Needless to say, Hermione Granger was right. Draco Malfoy had been extremely agitated and his curiosity had been peaked, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

What Draco Malfoy didn't realize was that the book he bought was going to make him obsessive and insane.

Draco Malfoy was ill. Undeniably, irrefutably, most definitely ill. He was sure of it.

Draco Malfoy had idiomitis.

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That night, Draco went through the entire book to make himself extremely familiar with idioms rather than catching up on his sleep. He hadn't meant to read the whole book. In fact, even upon buying the book, he still thought idioms were stupid and a far too informal form of communication to be acceptable.

But as he kept reading on and started going through the various idioms found in the book, he couldn't help but be slightly fascinated by the sayings. It was like an entirely different language of its own, and being very skilled with languages, before he could even help himself, he was drinking up all the words on the pages.

By the time he had finished the book, it was 4 in the morning and Draco was slightly surprised at where all the time had gone. Scoffing at himself in disbelief at what he had just spent precious hours doing, he turned off the light and went to sleep, determined not to have anything to do with idioms again.

However, the damage seemed to have already been done…

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Draco Malfoy's plan to forget about idioms did not seem to be going so well. He had had a breakfast gathering with Ministry officials that dealt with his department of International Wizarding Relations, and while the talk had not really been all that productive work-related wise, the conversation was generally pleasant, and Draco was definitely charming the colleagues surrounding him.

In all, everything was simply splendid until Draco and the man across from him began arguing over which Quidditch team was the strongest. Another man, sitting right beside Draco, agreed with what Draco had to say and clapped a hand on his back,

"It's good to know that we see eye to eye," the man said with a smile on his face.

Draco's eyes widened for a moment, before he forced a smile. The man, of course, noticed nothing odd and the conversation continued. However, Draco Malfoy remained quiet. The coincidence of his idiom usage was far too great to leave Draco feeling slightly unsettled and uncomfortable.

He quickly waved off the feeling and rejoined the conversation, and midway through, he suddenly had an idea. Why not put his last night's reading into good use by using the phrases in his conversations with these men?

He put his idea into practice, and by the end of breakfast, Draco could tell that people had visibly relaxed more when addressing him. Maybe it paid off to be a bit informal from time to time, after all.

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Having spent the remainder of his morning mingling, Draco did not end up seeing either of his two companions until there was a lunch meeting for all the Ministry members.

With a renewed sense of self-confidence from the morning's events, Draco Malfoy seemed genuinely delighted to see Hermione Granger coming from the opposite direction to the door with which they were to enter the meeting.

He smiled charmingly at her. "Good afternoon, Granger. I trust you slept well?"

If she was suspicious about his good mood, she didn't show it. Smiling back, she replied.

"But of course. And yourself?" She asked the question inquiringly, although the small smirk that was tugging at the edges of her lips indicated that she already knew the answer to that question.

Never wanting her to get the upper hand, especially not so early into the conversation, he nodded.

"I slept splendidly, thanks for asking."

Holding open the door for him, she insisted, "After you, Malfoy."

However, Draco smirked at her, and holding the door open above from where she was holding it, he shook his head.

"No, after you Granger. After all, age before beauty."

Hermione looked baffled for a minute at his wording, and then her face contorted to show a contradiction of expressions. She wasn't sure of whether she felt smugger at being right in her prediction last night, or if she was angrier at what his statement implied.

"I'm only nine months older than you, Malfoy, for Merlin's sake," she said in exasperation, before entering through the doorway.

Malfoy smirked in satisfaction at the back of her head, clearly savoring his victory. However, as he made his way through the doorway, he was slightly taken back when Hermione suddenly turned around to face him again, a triumphant smile on her face.

"Someone made themselves quite acquainted with idioms within the span of one night. Admit it, Malfoy, you curiosity regarding idioms was peaked last night."

Draco narrowed his eyes at her slightly. "I was simply making a statement of fact, as it is clear you are older and I am far more handsome than you are beautiful. Just because it happens to be one of those idiotic idioms of yours does not mean I am now familiar with them. It was merely coincidence."

Spending the past year and a half around Malfoy had taught Hermione a lot about him, one of those things being the ability to call his bluff.

"Don't tell lies to me, Malfoy. Really, I'm not stupid enough to believe them. You know you read up on idioms last night. It'd do you good to just throw in the towel."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, before Draco could even react, the portfolio he was carrying in his right hand had been transfigured into a towel that began to heat up at an alarming rate. Draco quickly released it from his grip to protect his hand, and the towel was thrown down to the ground, right in front of Hermione's feet.

She calmly picked it up, transfigured it back to the portfolio, and handed it back to Draco.

"I knew you'd just accept it," she said with a look of satisfaction spreading across her face. She then turned on her heel and went to go find a seat, leaving Draco Malfoy standing there shocked, with his jaw slightly slack.

Quickly recovering himself, he watched as Hermione made her way over to Blaise. That girl always managed to get the last say these days and it was frustrating him to no end. How she was able to so easily call his bluff, he had no idea, and no matter how much he wanted to admit it, her towel pun was pretty damn clever.

He groaned slightly internally, running a hand through his hair, when he saw Blaise look in his direction and smirk. That Hermione Granger was going to be the death of him, Draco was sure.

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He never knew until now just how accurate his thoughts were. For the rest of that trip, Draco took to being petulant around Hermione, and her laughing at his put-out face as well as constantly telling him "Don't get your feathers in a bunch" only further deepened the scowl on his face when around her.

She wasn't even trying to rub in the fact that she called his bluff. Rather, she was trying to convince him that it could be fun talking in idioms now that he was familiar with them.

That was what aggravated Draco even more. It would have been fine if she just rubbed it in; he was used to that since he did it to her all the time. But this? This Hermione being nice to him about it and encouraging him to use idioms was really just absolute blasphemy.

Ever since that night at the club, he felt like his life was slowly becoming more and more chaotic. He was losing his cool often, which was saying something because he rarely lost it at all. To make matters worst, he was always losing his cool around Hermione. She was completely unraveling him and making him loony, to be quite honest.

How else could the fact that he actually took her advice and started talking in idioms on a regular basis be explained? She cast a spell on him or that book at the bookstore, knowing he was going to buy it. She had to have!

That was also the only plausible explanation as to why his behavior at the Ministry one morning, about a month after the trip to New York.

He had walked into the breakfast lounge, a coffee already in his hand. His secretary had forgotten to pick him up the bagel he requested, and so he decided to make the trip himself and eat in the lounge for the half hour before his meeting rather than pretend to work in his office.

The sight that greeted him upon entrance to the lounge was entertaining indeed. There was Hermione Granger, looking very smart in terms of her attire, with business pants on that hugged her form and a crisp, white oxford shirt. However, the position she was in screamed anything but classy.

Her hair had clearly come undone from the bun it had been in, leaving it free to flow down her back and encroach its way slowly onto her face. In her left hand was a lidless cup of coffee that had just been made and was therefore steaming. However, also in that hand, or more precisely, in the gaps between her fingers, were two mini cream containers as well as three sugar packets that were just barely being held onto.

Meanwhile, her right hand was busily pressing buttons on the coffee machine to make more coffee, all while holding two cup lids in its grasp.

Her head was tilted quite a bit to the right, and every few moments, she would throw her head back slightly to keep her hair from intruding upon her face, and more importantly, into the cups of coffee.

Overall, it was a rather pitiful sight.

However, Draco found it quite entertaining, mainly because only Hermione Granger would be unofficially named the most brilliant witch of her age and still be found in situations like this where, if you didn't know better, she came off as a squib rather than a skilled witch who fought against Death Eaters.

She was so pre-occupied trying to juggle everything that she was startled by his presence and almost spilled the cups of coffee.

Draco smirked amusedly at her state. "You are almost literally an accident waiting to happen, you know that, Granger?" he said, taking a coffee cup and sliding a sleeve on it to hold it without getting burnt.

Hermione looked at him curiously for a moment. No matter how regular idioms had become a part of his daily "vocabulary" so to speak, she still found herself pleasantly surprised by his breadth of knowledge of them.

Rather than gracing his comment with a response, she just sent him a big smile that conveyed acceptance of this fact before getting back to work on the cups of coffee. Hermione covered the cup of coffee in his hand with a lid before placing a sleeve on the one in her hand, adding a packet of sugar, and putting a lid on that one. She then took back the cup in Draco's hand and smiled at him.

"Thanks," she said, and then holding up a finger as if to tell him one moment, she quickly disappeared.

Draco watched her intensely until she left the room, and then went to the nearest food server and asked him to toast up and bring him two bagels. He then proceeded to a table hidden from view by a number of plants, a spot he had unspokenly claimed his own, and waited for Hermione to return.

She came back only moments later, only one cup of coffee in hand and made her way to sit next to him.

"Granger, do you often forget that you have a wand and that wands are there for your convenience, namely to help you carry and handle many things at once?" he asked her amusedly. "You know, that's also why you have a…," he trailed off, upon seeing that Hermione was listening to him intently but was subconsciously rubbing her left hand, which had gotten extraordinarily red.

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. Honestly, this woman sometimes lacked sense completely.

"Give me your left hand, Hermione," Draco commanded.

Hermione looked baffled at the sudden change in topic, and gave no indication of moving.

Sighing once again, Draco got up from his seat and knelt before Hermione's, taking her hand in his own and placing a cooling charm on her hand as well as a healing charm to get rid of the small burn marks that had started to appear on her hand.

Upon realizing what he was doing, and more importantly, noticing that she had burned her hand with the coffee by foolishly not putting on the sleeve from the beginning, she had the decency to look sheepish and mumbled a small "Thank you" once Draco finished his work.

Draco didn't let go of her hand; rather, he pointed his wand at the chair he was sitting at and accioed it to him so that he was sitting absolutely adjacent to Hermione.

"I guess there's no need for me to tell you how idiotic that was on your part," he drawled, and watched as Hermione's blush deepened. "Like I was saying, not only did you have a wand to help you manage all the stuff you needed, but honestly, woman, you have a secretary and servers in this lounge for a reason."

As if to demonstrate this fact, right on queue, the server Draco had spoken to earlier came to them with two bagels, one of which, Draco put in front of Hermione.

He continued, "And what do you do instead? You make your coffee as if you're a Muggle, trying to juggle it all at once, and on top of that, you're making the coffee for you and your secretary rather than the other way around? Unbelievable!" Draco exclaimed, as if clearly disappointed that he hadn't rubbed off on her even after all this time working together.

Now it was Hermione's turn to look slightly exasperated. "Oh Malfoy, not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouths. I never had house elves that did everything so that I didn't have to move even a slightest finger. And I'll have you know that it's actually very satisfying to do things the "Muggle" way. It makes you appreciate the richness and flavor of your coffee a tad bit more.

"You know, it would do you some good to try it out one day rather than always expecting others to cater to you. It doesn't even have to be…" Hermione rambled.

Draco started zoning out the words that were coming out of her mouth at this point, instead studying her intensely. He noticed the way her eyes would become big and alert when she started going off on her lectures. Her mouth would pout after every couple of sentences in a disapproving manner, as if she knew he wasn't listening to a word she was saying.

And her hair? She had been so caught up with everything that happened that she never ended up putting it up again, so Draco was privileged with the sight of seeing it silkily cascade down past her chest in ringlets.

"You can just make yourself your own coffee for once in your life or…" Hermione continued on, except this time, Draco cut her off by placing a long, slender finger upon her lips. His face had moved closer to hers, leaving only a few inches gap between them.

"Haven't you ever heard my favorite idiom of all, Hermione? Silence is golden."

And with that, he removed his finger from her lips, instead covering her lips with his own. He kissed her at first gently, and upon receiving no response at all, neither positive or negative from her, he applied more pressure, pushing his lips upon hers with overpowering demand.

His body instinctively leaned forward as well, and soon, he was no longer sitting in his chair but rather on top of Hermione as she leaned back in hers, finally responding to his kiss by reluctantly but surely wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

They kissed passionately, her hands making it up to his hair and ruffling it, his hands grabbing a firm hold of her waist to keep from squirming away should she try.

At long last, Hermione was the one to break the kiss, but both of them didn't move much further, their foreheads still touching, as they tried to catch their breath. Draco's hands very reluctantly let go of her waist, instead grabbing onto the arms of the chair, effectively trapping her in the chair as he leaned over her.

Finally, Hermione had the nerve to say something. "I think you were wrong earlier. _This_ is an accident waiting to happen."

As Draco's eyes latched onto hers, the intensity in them made Hermione shudder slightly. His expression was unreadable for a moment, and she was a bit afraid as to how he would react to her comment.

Although his eyes stayed intensely focused on her and seemed to be searching her thoroughly while giving nothing away of his true emotions, a smirk tugged at his lips.

"And how did you come up with such a conclusion, Granger?" His tone was prodding, as if daring her to come up with a good enough explanation to keep Draco Malfoy from getting what he wanted.

"This is nothing but a temporary lack of rationality, Malfoy, and you know it. You aren't serious about pursuing a relationship with me, and I'm very well aware of that. So let's just call this what is—a mistake—and forget about it," Hermione said very matter-of-factly, trying desperately to ignore the extremely fast pace that her heart was thumping at due to Draco's proximity.

"Dear, dear Hermione," Draco said, before gently kissing Hermione from the upper exposed part of her neck all the way down to the first button of her shirt. The unexpected, intimate gesture caused Hermione to involuntarily gasp.

Draco smirked even wider, knowing he accomplished his goal. "Actions speak louder than words, my dear, and the words coming out of your mouth are definitely contradicting your actions, or should I say, reactions, to my touch." As if he needed to demonstrate it further, he took his finger and lightly traced it down her face before using the back of his hand to caress her cheek.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Reason over passion, she reminded herself. She could not let Malfoy have his way so easily. Opening her eyes again, she said with determination,

"Physical attraction will not compensate for lack of commitment or seriousness to a relationship. If you're actually serious about pursuing a relationship, come talk to me. But until then," she used her whole weight to push him away from her so she could get up. "This is figuratively obliviated from my memory."

And with that, she left the lounge without even a single glance back.

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You see what Draco Malfoy meant? There was absolutely no explaining why he suddenly felt compelled to kiss Hermione Granger that day. Absolutely none!!!

As if to make matters worse, Hermione Granger actually held true to her word. She acted as comfortably around him as she normally did. There was absolutely no indication that she was feeling the tension that he was over the situation. That woman had had it in for him the whole time. She was determined to make _nothing _easy for him.

And of course, his "best mate" Blaise Zabini was no help at all. Rather, he was too bloody perceptive for anyone's liking, and it only took him a week to figure out what had happened as well as analyze Draco Malfoy's true feelings on the matter. Even Draco hadn't sorted out his true feelings on the matter! Draco had no clue how that man managed to do it.

But sure enough, being the Slytherin he was, he was making the situation no easier than Hermione was. He was also severely lacking in subtlety.

One day after work, about two weeks later after what Draco liked to mentally term as "the incident," the two of them went back to Draco's place for drinks and Blaise tried to casually bring up the subject of the Ministry gala that was to take place at the end of that week.

Draco knew where this conversation was going and groaned aloud. "Blaise, can we just drop this subject, already? I've told you everyday this week that I do _not_ want to talk about it."

Blaise feigned surprise and confusion. "I've never talked to you about the Ministry gala!" he said innocently, or as innocently as he possibly could.

Draco scowled at him. "Cut the rubbish, would you? I know you just want to talk about what happened between Hermione and me."

Blaise looked delighted. "Well, I actually wasn't going to talk about that, but now that you mention it…"

Draco slapped his forehead in frustration. Blaise only smirked at how easy it was becoming to get on Draco's nerves.

"Dang it, Draco. You know you like her. You've liked her for months," Blaise said matter-of-factly. "Oh don't look at me like you haven't. I'm not blind. It's really quite obvious. I've actually been trying to make a bet with myself about whether or not you'd do anything about it."

Draco looked at him as if he'd gone crazy, and Blaise just waved him off.

"The point is, you haven't been this 'smitten,' for lack of a better word, with someone for as long as I've known you. I don't understand why you won't just take the chance and try it out. It's clear that you seriously have feelings for her. What's it going to take for you to do something about it?"

Draco looked at him wearily, and gulping down the firewhiskey that remained in his glass, he replied, "When pigs fly, Blaise."

Rather than looking disappointed, which he really should have, considering the implications of the statement, but again, Blaise looked delighted.

Taking out his wand, he pointed at a random object in the house, transfigured it into a pig, and then levitated it up in the air.

"Splendid! It's settled then. You'll ask Hermione out sometime this week!"

Draco groaned. How could he be so stupid?

"It was an idiom, Blaise! I didn't mean pigs flying literally, you dumb arse!" Draco protested.

Blaise was too busy looking smug to be bothered by the whiny tone that Draco was taking on. "Yes, about those idioms. You've really got to be more careful with the ones you use. First, Hermione got you with that towel one, and now I got you with the pigs. I'd be careful with those idioms, mate. You're getting a tad bit obsessed." He said this jovially, patting Draco on the back, and then made his way to the dining room for dinner.

Draco Malfoy should have seen the signs. There was that foreshadowing, staring him right in the face again, and he never caught on. Those idioms were the ones behind all this chaos in his life. Draco was very happily going along, admiring Hermione from afar, and suddenly these idioms showed up and he had just become totally irrational since then. He used idioms all the time in his daily conversations; he went around kissing girls that he wasn't supposed to. Well, wait, it was only one girl. But still! It was madness.

However, Draco Malfoy remembered that there was one night that the idioms actually were on his side than against him, and that was the night of the Ministry gala.

Draco Malfoy had come to the gala extremely out of character. He had come alone, and he had arrived on time. It was pretty clear that the man was on a mission and he was going to do whatever it would take to complete that mission.

It didn't take him long upon entering to spot Hermione by the bar, ordering herself something non-alcoholic no doubt. He stood where he was for a moment, admiring from afar her beautiful, maroon full-length dress. It had gold trimming and it was obviously made to fit her body perfectly.

Straightening his tie and removing the invisible lint from his clothing, Draco confidently made his way up to Hermione, tapping her on the shoulder upon reaching her.

She turned around, and the look of awe on her face was not missed by him as she quite openly admired how much more handsome the black dress robes he was wearing made him.

"May I have the honor of sweeping you off your feet tonight, Ms. Granger?" Draco asked with a smirk on his face, knowing full well she was still having trouble recovering and would hardly be able to say know.

Hermione quickly recovered and smiled to herself in amusement at the sudden uptake of formality between them. "You can surely try, Mr. Malfoy," she said with a daring smile.

Draco knew he was at an advantage and no matter how much Hermione may have wanted to deny it, she was becoming further charmed by Draco with each moment she spent with him.

After socializing with others and eating dinner, Draco asked Hermione to dance, a request she gladly accepted. Once they got onto the dance floor, however, Draco stopped and took out a little velvet box from his pocket and handed it to Hermione.

She questioningly took it, and upon touching it, the box opened itself up to reveal a white gold chain. Hanging on the chain was a charm in the shape of an apple, made of white gold trimming and tiny rubies.

Hermione gasped at the beauty of it and looked up at Draco in confusion. He genuinely smiled at her, and after pressing a finger to her lips, he took the necklace out of its box and put it on her. Placing the now empty box into his pocket, he took her hands in his and kissed them gently.

"You're the apple of my eye, Hermione, and I'm serious about pursuing something with you, that is, if you are willing to give me the honour of doing so."

Then, to his most utter surprise, Hermione started laughing. "That was the cheesiest but cutest thing I've ever heard, Draco. I didn't know you had such a soft and sentimental side in you," she said with a fond smile, giving him a peck on the cheek.

He grimaced in disgust at her comment, but couldn't help but smile at her last gesture. That Hermione, she was sure a sly one. She knew exactly what cards to play and when.

Figuring that two could play that game, he kissed her fully on the lips and she kissed back, both of them temporarily forgetting where they were. It was fair to say that much dancing didn't end up happening after all.

And really, that was probably one of the greatest days in Draco's life, because now, four months and one week after that night at the gala, and six months after their trip to New York, Draco Malfoy was getting married to Hermione Granger. Well, to be fair, the wedding wasn't until the next day, but you got the idea.

However, no matter how happy he was with Hermione and no matter how much he realized just what a lucky man he was, those two revelations could not compensate for the horrified feeling Draco Malfoy was experiencing at the moment about the idea of going insane.

One could call Draco Malfoy an overdramatic. After all, in the end, the idioms were the ones that helped Draco charm Hermione Granger into going out with him.

But, Draco Malfoy found it impossible to ignore the fact that his mind was being possessed by idioms to some extent. He couldn't go a day without using one in a sentence. He tried to—seven times to be exact—and always ended up failing miserably.

It wasn't even his fault, really. He was trying extremely hard not to utter a single idiom but no matter where he went and what he did, he managed to hear them _everywhere_. He wasn't even exaggerating. He heard them at work, he heard them at restaurants, and he even heard them when watching television or movies with Hermione.

Furthermore, ever since they made an entrance in his life, he had become undone. Pigs, towels, silver spoons, feathers, pennies. It was absolute chaos and made absolutely no sense, and the fact that he went along with it, using these statements on a daily basis, could really be nothing else but an indication of his loss of sanity.

When he tried to explain his feeling that he was losing control of his life and that everything was becoming chaotic, she just attributed it to the stress of work plus planning a wedding within the span of three weeks. When he tried to tell her that he thinks that the idioms are to blame for his uneasiness, she just laughed it off, called him a loon, and then kissed him until he forgot about what they were talking about.

But she had inadvertently proved his point! He was a loon. He was going insane. He was making up disease conditions, for Merlin's sake. Idiomitis? I mean, really. The idea was preposterous.

Draco just leaned back in the chair and groaned aloud. He didn't know what force was ruining his peace of mind, but he wished that it would stop.

"Please just let it be over soon," he said to no one in particular.

Hermione chose to walk in at that moment and chuckled.

"It's almost over, Draco. The wedding's tomorrow. But, you know what they say: 'It ain't over till the fat lady sings.'"

Although Draco wasn't referring to the wedding plans, he'd be glad when this wedding was over too, and he was sure Hermione agreed with him. The last three weeks had been completely stressful, and because they were so busy with work and planning, they hardly ever got to spend relaxing quality time together.

Hermione made her way to Draco, sitting herself in his lap. She took his glass out of his hand and then leaned in to kiss him passionately on the lips. Draco immediately responded, but before he could get tempted to go any farther, she broke contact.

In response, he snapped the hair tie that was keeping her hair in a bun, and her hair cascaded down her face. She looked so beautiful and the flush that had developed on her face from their kiss did nothing to help matters.

As if to rub salt in the wound, Hermione kissed him fully on the mouth again, pushing her whole self on top of him, but before he could respond and take over, she broke off the kiss.

Draco glared at her slightly, opting instead to kiss her down to her collarbone, while moving his hand around in circular motions on her back. She sighed in contentment and the two sat there quietly for a few moments.

When she made indication of getting off of him, he stopped, but held onto her tighter.

"You're a glutton for punishment, you know that?" Draco said, when she kept squirming to try and get out of his grasp.

She stopped moving for a second to flash him a smile. "Of course I am. I'm marrying you, aren't I?"

Draco scowled at that and loosened his grip on her, letting her go. Hermione got up, and after straightening up her clothes, she said,

"I just came in here to say good night."

Draco looked at the wall clock that read 9:30 and then looked back at her incredulously. "Goodnight? This early?"

Hermione smiled. "Haven't you heard of this saying? I think it was in that book you bought on idioms. 'Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.'"

Draco got up out of the chair and came close to Hermione, taking her in his arms and kissing her gently on the lips.

"I guess that saying is pretty darn accurate. With a girlfriend, I mean, fiancée, like you, I go to bed early, and because of work, I wake up early; and I'm very healthy," _unless you consider the idiomitis/going insane concept_, he added to himself. "I'm obviously wealthy; and I'm waking up early tomorrow morning to marry you, which I must say, is the sign of a very, very wise man." Draco said triumphantly.

Hermione rolled her eyes at him before kissing him once more.

"You're so very clever, it's astounding," Hermione said sarcastically. "Goodnight Draco."

And with that, Hermione left Draco to himself in his hotel room to resume his ponderings on whether he was going insane or not.

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The wedding turned out exactly as planned and, all in all, was quite beautiful.

While Draco Malfoy was indeed a very happy man, proud to say that he had just made Hermione Granger a Malfoy, the feeling of uneasiness that had plagued him on and off over the past six months had come back with more force today than ever, and he wasn't sure why.

It was when the reception had just begun that he had realized. He hadn't heard a single idiom uttered today, and their absence, rather than their presence, was ironically what was bothering him this time.

He tried to shake off the feeling, knowing that he should be happy for their absence, and more importantly, he should be enjoying the celebrations with his wife.

Once everyone who was scheduled to speak had done so, Hermione got up and took the microphone.

"Before you guys get to dig in, there's one last act of sorts that remains tonight. Someone who I'm sure a lot of you Gryffindors know was kind enough to be here tonight."

Before Hermione could say anymore, the portrait that had been empty at the back of the hall all night was suddenly filled by the Fat Lady who started singing. Surprisingly enough to most of the Gryffindors in the room, she could actually sing very well.

Draco Malfoy, who knew of the Fat Lady when she would visit the other portraits, could do nothing but stare in amazement at her while she sang.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Hermione's presence until she whispered in his ear, "It ain't over till the Fat Lady sings."

He turned to her and smiled. That feeling of uneasiness that had bothered him earlier had disappeared. Draco knew that, with this woman by his side, there would always be some form of stability in his life. And even if there wasn't, he would always remember that it was the chaos of the idioms that had brought them together, so he figured that chaos couldn't be so bad at all.

Draco stood up out of his seat and kissed Hermione sweetly on the lips. She may have been referring to the wedding stress when she whispered the idiom into his ear, but he knew that for him, it was the end of the uncertainty in his life.

He didn't care if he had idiomitis, and he didn't care if he was insane. Rather, he likened himself to be insane. Insanely in love with Hermione Granger.

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**Hey everybody! I am back! Can you believe it? If not, no worries, because neither can I.**

**I know that on my profile, I said that I was writing a new story, and well, as I was writing the first chapter, I was having a lot of trouble trying to organize my thoughts properly so that the story would make sense, and so I had a spontaneous desire to write a one-shot and just went with it. I hope you liked it! Since I just kept writing practically non-stop since yesterday on this, it definitely helped get the juices flowing and I hope to make some real headway with my other story this weekend as well as during the rest of the summer so I can start posting it. I'm not sure how long it's going to be, but I'm definitely aiming for _Mustn't Love Granger _length, if not longer.**

**Anyways, I hope the one-shot was a cute, fun read. It was a really random idea. I'd really appreciate feedback! Oh, and please forgive any errors, particularly grammatical. I didn't really feel like reading through it all, but if you guys point out things that are wrong and they're big, especially in terms of plot or if it's hard to follow, please let me know so I can fix it!**

**Thanks you guys for being supportive and reading.**

**Hope to be back soon with more! :)**

**~Aastha**


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